A glimpse of my life and journey through motherhood
The days have dwindled...
As I am nearing the end of my maternity leave, I am sitting here reflecting on the established routine that Ellie and I have... Suddenly, it’s all going to change! The return to work period has been anticipated throughout my leave, but as it draws near I can’t help but reflect and wonder how I’m going to cope and mentally prepare for this transition.
Taking a look back at my first day of leave, it was Monday, 08/01/2016 newly moved into our new home. Due date was on 08/15/2016 and I was “certain” that I had time to unwind from work and rest before Ellie was born. Boy was I in for a surprise! I started my leave just in time Ellie was born on Wednesday, 08/03/2016. And boom the journey through motherhood started!
The first couple weeks after giving birth to Ellie were a blur from hourly feedings, sleepless nights, postpartum healing, baby blues, exhaustion... It was definitely challenging and eye opening. Honestly, I don’t know how I managed through those days. Especially since Ellie was colic for the first three months. Crazy! It wasn’t even that long ago I was learning to navigate and juggle life with a newborn. Eventually, things started to settle and days got easier.
Throughout my time at home, Monday through Sunday, I was able to spend time getting to know her and explored what worked/what didn’t. Experimented reading, talking, singing, car rides, taking her out in public, and going out for walks for fresh air. At first, I didn’t know what to expect. Now, looking back I’m thankful for those beginnings with her! She now hones in during reading. Her personality has emerged through conversations. Continues to enjoy nursery rhymes that I/we repetitively serenade to her. Learned how to enjoy daytime car rides that led to the greatest naps. Introduced Target real fast (Fun fact: her first outing). And our favorite, going for our morning walks with Hudson to get our daily dose of fresh air.
Now, I have to accept returning to work my time with her is limited. And that thought is DAUNTING. I have cried on several occasions these past two weeks trying to mentally prepare myself going back part time for the month of December. Honestly, I am sad that someone else will care for her other than myself during her stages of being an infant and going forward. But, I do know that she’ll learn to thrive and be nourished with a different environment. It is just hard because I’m attached. Our times will be divided between Mommy/Daddy and her caretaker. Ahhhh...
I’ve been told from other Mommies that these feelings are normal and I will be okay and would get through it. Siiiiiiiigh! I just think to myself I’ll miss: having no agenda, cuddling her in the morning, waking up smothering her with kisses and love, watching her from afar as she plays with her toys, introducing her to new things whether it be a color or something random out the window, and the simple moments of holding and admiring her. And can’t forget my guilty pleasure of binge watching my favorite YouTube channels. I can list so many other things! Frankly, during my maternity leave I barely was away from Ellie and would always be eager to get back.
However, through all these emotions I attempt to think positive. When I get into my mode of sadness I try to remind myself to be THANKFUL. Grateful for this time that I had with her. Grateful for the love that has flourished and grown. Grateful that she’s healthy and our baby girl.
I really didn’t know what to expect during my maternity leave. I’ve heard the love that you have for your kids is like no other. I was not prepared for this feeling of unconditional love... It is unraveling as I journey through being a Mom. It’s amazing how parenthood is hard and fulfilling at the same time. She's our greatest gift and we can’t imagine how life would be without her! I feel extremely blessed to be her Mommy. God is good <3.